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Thursday, December 23, 2004
It's Christmas Eve tomorrow! Well, I know the exclamation mark makes me seem like I'm excited about it. However, I'm not.
You see, something happened today that made me realised the coldness of people nowadays.
Alright, a blind man, who was carrying big and small bags of keropok, boarded the train. An old man took the initiative to give up his seat, take note of the bolded words; it's an old man instead of someone who can take the long rides without sitting down. Alright, I was pretty surprised, until people moved away and didn't dare to sit beside him as if he's carrying a deadly virus. Most were women.
Then he started ask people two seats beside him, who's a god damn old lady, where was he. She ignored him! What the f*ck? I was wondering, "What if this poor guy is your son?" She'd probably feel terrible. Well, I'm not very proficient with Hokkien so I couldn't really understand what the blind guy was muttering, but he kept saying "Jia lat liao, jia lat liao," after that old lady ignored him about his whereabouts.
After a few more lines of the mutterings, I decided to ask him where he wanted to go, and he said he wanted to go to Raffles Place to change a train to go to Toa Payoh. He asked me where I lived and which station it was. One thing that is puzzling is that he kept asking me if I'm the same guy. Hmmm, maybe cause' I changed my volume? Well, this is not the point. Move back!
Alright, so I brought him to Toa Payoh, and there were 3, specifically 3, nice people, 2 gave him support when boarding the train(because of the curb), and the other lady took over me, and helped him through the gantry area in Toa Payoh.
I think Singapore needs more of these people. I mean, no one wants to be blind or handicapped, so why not help them when we're perfectly normal to brighten up their days? Concerning today's incident, no one gave a sh*t even when Christmas is coming. And I thought Christmas is all about sharing, caring and showing our love for people.
Well, I hope he's alright and sold most of his keropok. Oh yah, I bought one packet from him too, though not eaten yet. God bless him.
Anyway, training yesterday was great. I shot a 181 out of the 2 games counting score for the first time. I'm pretty satisfied though the second game ain't as good. On Tuesday, I shot a 199 in CDANS. I was damn unlucky. I needed only 7 pins to get a 200, but I got only 6! Crap. I've to admit that synthetic lanes are much easier to play and read. I could get mostly 160s nowadays, but only get around 140 - 150 at Marina Superbowl where they use wood lanes. Well, overall after all these trainings, I realised I really felt comfortable with my approach and had my average up-ed a little. Auntie Kat told me that I was a fast learner and picked up most of the things Uncle Henry and her taught me. However, she said she doesn't want me to progress too fast and wants to be get the foundation strong.
UP SAINTS!!!
Monday, December 20, 2004
Hey heey heeey! Just finished packing my notes, can't stop sneezing cause' of the dust.
Anyway, for those who don't know - I got into SA, Science! I was overjoyed when I saw the results. Initially, I was quite reluctant to click on that button, but still went on with it, but with my eyes closed! Haha, then, I plucked up my courage and just take glance. To my surprise, I got into SA.
The bowling teacher told me that my admission into SA Science is really lucky, cause' I had 14 for prelims, and after HMT, 2 points, CCA, 2 points, I got 10. I missed the Science course by 1 point. I scraped through!
Well, he also asked me if I would stay on after my 'O'Levels results are out. I told him the truth, that I may be going to a 'better' JC if my results are better cause' my mother encourages me to do so. Then, he said that if this is the case, he will not put the coaches with SA team to coach me, cause' they are trying to establish a solid team right from the beginning. Well, I think what I've done is more-or-less right, because it's better than me leaving without saying anything. At least I tell him the truth and not lie to him, telling him that I'll stay faithful, loyal, and those bullsh*t, and end up leaving also.
Actually, honestly, I'll stay with SA, very very likely, but who knows what my results will be? I mean, my mother really wish I get into VJ or something. I really want to stay, because I've always wanted to be in SA since like I'm secondary 2. Not sure why, but I've always wanted to get in. Now, my wish has come true, definitely I won't just throw it away.
Well, we'll see about this later, since there's still time before the 'O'Levels results are ready. Meanwhile, I'll train hard, so as to play for SA, bring back glory and build up a good reputation! UP SAINTS!
Alright, had a barbecue at Mrs Tan's condominium, Regent Grove, last night. It was pretty fun, especially starting the fire. Oh yeah, the amber that was produced this time, was really pretty, marvellous and HOT. Lol, I was standing in front of the pit and could feel the lower part of my body getting warmer, and it got real hot. Lol. Anyway, Mrs Tan's house is really nice, though it's a lil' small, but she's only leaving with her husband, so I guess it's pretty alright. Nothing much happened except Timothy, Zhiwei, Medwin and I were playing with fire. Lol. Fun. Oh ya, before I forget, the prawns I ate last night are called heavenly prawns - know why? Cause' it brought a few of us to heaven and have to be kicked to be brought back down to earth. It was really very very nice. Can't believe I'd taste such food in a barbecue, lol. I'll never forget the taste man!
Hmmm, I think I'll stop here, probably update another time this week, before Christmas Eve. Meanwhile, have fun and stay healthy!
UP SAINTS!
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Actually, I've a lot to update, but I'm just lazy, and don't have the mood to do so.
Anyway, I went for the SA training on Wednesday. Overall, it was pretty alright, but I felt kinda' inferior when I saw how good the rest were. Then, I learnt from Amelia that some of them either ARE or WERE in the youth team, which explains why they are so consistent and good. One of them even scored a 279 (which is all strikes except a spare on a frame). There's another 2 coming up on Wednesday and Saturday. I hope I would be more consistent man. =
Let's forget about the sad training, and move on!
Alright, supposed to attend the SA physical training, but had the 4C1 chalet, so I skipped it. Amelia had something on too, so, both of us skipped it. Lol.
Hmmm, the chalet was pretty boring actually, because there ain't much for us to do. Arcade, pool(super expensive), television, cards, mahjong, bowling, Escape, Wild Wild Wet, and nothing much. Wild Wild Wet and Escape were totally out of the question, cause' MOST of us found it boring. Some of them went to play at Escape, makes me wonder what's so nice inside. Hence, we only did the first few. Luckily I left on the second night, if not I'd be bored to death. =\ Another highlight, was that Miss Koh attended the chalet on the second night, cause' there's a so-called party where there were food(satay, bee hoon, pizza, cocktail, etc.). Had quite a nice talk with Miss Koh and the few anti-kohs, lol, talk about irony. Finally, hung around, and waited for Medwin's father to fetch Zhiwei and I home. Slept in the car, lol, for quite a while. Appreciate it man, cause' I was really tired to be taking the train, furthermore, there were NO more train left, haha.
Oh yah, I didn't talk about the graduation night, because there weren't much to talk about, just that Leen said that I looked 'too-decent' cause' I combed my sideburns behind my ear, lol. Anyway, long time since I wore a long-sleeve shirt, lol, WARM. Other than the formal wear, we were supposed to bring along a wrapped gift to 'exchange'. I don't know who's gift did I get, but I know Wei Bin got mine, lol, a 'The Incredibles' pencil case! Lol, cute and nice. On the side note, some of the girls look weird in gowns, dresses or skirts, while the others look great, lol. Looking weird doesn't mean ugly for you people out there, probably because I'm just not used to seeing them in such formal wear.
Quite sad actually, after 4 years, those who are hated, are still being hated, those who form cliques are still in cliques. It's really fast actually, I really enjoyed secondary school life to be honest. I'm not sure why, but I'm afraid I won't enjoy JC life, especially when everything's piling on you after the first three months. I'm afraid, and worried, although I know worrying isn't gonna help. "Anxiety is inevitable, but worrying is optional", not sure who and where is this quote from, but it's really true. Anyway, within a flash, we will know the posting results 2 weeks from now, I'm really anxious. Anyway, I kinda realise, as I get older, I tend to worry more! That's no good. If only I can have a bit of Timothy's 'bo-chap-ness'. Hmmm...
Anyway, I'll stop here, so long people, good luck to those who are waiting for their posting results.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Alright, I'm back from my chalets. Overall, it's pretty fun.
Scout chalet was great, really had a good time slacking my time away playing cards, and talk crap with the guys. Talked about almost everything; realised it has been a long time since I spent my time talking to them, because of the time spent on preparing for the 'O'Levels Examinations. Anyway, the chalet was at the Aloha Changi Government Chalets, and the one we stayed at was somewhat like a cottage. It is really damn big, the first storey has 2 rooms, 2 toilets, one dining hall, and a hall. Hope you guys reading this can imagine the size of that. The second storey only has a room, but altogether, it's really bigger than most chalets in Singapore. An additional information is that Lee Kuan Yew, Minister Mentor, actually stayed there before. Lol, cool isn't it? And, if I'm not wrong, it's $250 a night.
Well, it was supposed to be a barbecue, but so many people were crowding around the pit, that the secondary 4s had to get nasi lemak from Changi, the one which is supposed to be famous, lol.
We just sat upstairs and talked a lot of crap. Most went to sleep after that, excluding Chee Hoe. I slept about 4 hours or so because the room was just too cold, and ended up dozing off sitting on the staircase.
We checked out next morning at around 0930. Miss Kwa sent us to Pasir Ris to 2D1 chalet. (good teacher, isn't she? =D)
We reached there, and saw the girls watching television. The scouts went to shower since we didn't shower the night before. We play cards with a little money after we took a shower and after Jeremy bought the cards. All I can say was that Jeremy was unlucky that time. (Lol.) We wanted to go to the LAN shop initially, but none was there, so we decided to play pool. It was damn expensive! Damn damn damn expensive. $9 for an hour. Well, although it was expensive, we carried on to play. Guo Xiang, Jeremy and Simon were new to the game, but was handling it pretty well after a few tries. Was pretty fun overall, but, only played for an hour. After that, we went to the arcade. I didn't play anything except Daytona, nothing much interests me in the arcade, that's why I seldom go to the arcades.
Went back after quite some time of hangin' around in the arcade. Went to Cheers before returning though. We saw Serene, Jia Min, Kar Mun, Eileen, Joline and Hui Ying preparing the ingredients for the barbecue.(Not sure if I missed any, but hope I didn't.) We saw them, but didn't really help them, lol. Well, I offered to start the fire, so, I guess, I ain't that bad right? ;)
The time to start fire came, and the guys helped. Then, we realised the charcoal was wet, because of the rain the night before. YES, we brought it from the scouts chalet, LOL, talk about cheapskate. So, naturally, we had trouble starting the fire, but after some time, we were able to make it, and the time was just about right to start barbecuing. Everybody comes out and starts barbecuing! I was just fanning to keep the amber burning, cause' I'm afraid the amber might not spread due to the water content in the charcoal. I felt my lungs aching, then. Lol, too much smoke. Everything was going fine then.
Well, the barbecue was great, but some people just have to learn how to less selfish, and save some for those who have not eaten. Some even took the food even though they are told that the food were for those who have not eaten. Seriously, I've got nothing to say.
Anyway, there are people who are worse, I just don't want to mention. So, yeah, overall, it's pretty alright, excluding those who didn't contribute to the fun.
Clear up with those usual people who helped, lol, and it has been a long time since I saw cockroaches. Just because I avoided them, Eileen said I was afraid of them. -.- Lol, I'M NOT. Anyway, in comparison, I'm sure those men who avoid Geylang aren't afraid of prostitutes right? ;)
Took a shower after awhile and played cards.
We went to the second storey to sleep on the floor, cause' Cheryl, Bao Hui and Vanessa were sleeping on the bed.
Lol, I wonder why, just before we were about to go to sleep, everyone becomes so superstitious. My head was actually facing the window, but changed the position cause' they said it wasn't good. Then, Cheryl saw a mirror in front of the guys, and said that it wasn't good to sleep in front of the mirror. So, Richie and Simon removed the mirror and put it under the bed, which was later brought out and turned around to face the wall instead.
Then, we wanted to sleep, but just as ALL the lights are switched, it was damn dark, so, Chih Leong and I requested to at least switch on the light above the bed. But, it was too bright, so Richie, together with Jeremy and a few others who want to go to the toilet, went to switch on the light, on the first storey, to allow some light to enter from the small window at the corner of the room on the second storey. Everything went fine after that. LOL. What a hassle man.
Morning was pretty boring, woke up, wash-up, watch Cheryl, Bao Hui and Vanessa leave, played cards, bid goodbye to Simon and Jeremy cause' Simon's father was there to fetch them home, carried on playing cards, and finally went to check out. Lol, I'm lazy.
Overall, both chalets were good, enjoyed it pretty much. Lol, I guess this will be one of the last times that I'll see those people. =\ Sad, but there will be a time when we will part, so... I just hope that we'll remain in contact and probably organise outings, but not chalets, and enjoy each other's company. Lol.
That's all folks!
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Emotions overwhelmed me when I read this. There seem to be some errors, the 's and "s are in some funny fonts, so, just to tell you guys who're reading this. Enjoy.
When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, “You are the kind of man who best draws girls’ eyeballs.” Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn’t help doing so.
I moved Dew’s hands aside and said, “You go to select some furniture, O.K? I’ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, “He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together.” I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. “I’ve got something to tell you”, I said.
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, “why?” I’m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, “You are not a man!”
At that night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month’s time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn’t want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, “He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?” This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, “I remember.” “You carried me in your arms”, she continued, “So, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.”
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully”. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, “Let us start from today, don’t tell our son.”
I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, “The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.”
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn’t tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, “It seems not difficult to carry you now.”
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, “All my dresses have grown fatter.” I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously, I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. “Dad, it’s time to carry mum out!” he said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, “Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.”
I held her tightly and said, “Both you and I didn’t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.”
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, “Sorry, Dew, I won’t divorce. I’m serious.”
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. “You got no fever.” she said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Dew”, I said, “I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.”
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until we are old.”
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Hmmm, I came across this in a forum, thought I'd share with you guys, it's really meaningful although it's a little long. Take a break, and you'll learn something out of this.
God : Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No.. who is this?
God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am
in the midst of something.
God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic. It's
rush hour all the time.
God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still cant figure out. By the way, I was not
expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.
God : Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some
clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium
you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it
complicated.
Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?
God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You
are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become
your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..
God : Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be
purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer.
With that experience their life become better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the
test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why cant we be free
from problems?
God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons
(to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle
and endurance, not when you are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we
are heading....
God : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading.
Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you
awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in
the right direction. What should I do?
God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a
measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more
satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the
compass. Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
God : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you
have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
Me: What surprises you about people?
God : when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they
never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side,
but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I cant get the answer.
God : Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be.
Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it.
Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God : Face your past without regret. Handle your present with
confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.
God : There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the New
Year with a new sense of inspiration.
God : Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts
and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to
resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.
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